Are you happy with where you are at in your life, what you accomplished, etc, etc?
I was thinking about this only moments ago, actually. The thought that came to mind was, “You don’t have to have it all right now.”
I feel tremendous pressure every waking moment to be out-of-this-world amazing. To start my dream business, to make lots of money, to get tons of attention for doing something positive, to change people’s lives, to live life to the fullest, to live a life that would be beautiful in slow motion.
I think as young women there is a lot of pressure to be extremely incredible at a young age. And it’s really easy to get sucked into the lives of the people you see on TV or social media and think well…I must be doing something wrong if I don’t have all of that. But what I sort of settled into thinking today was that there is a lot of life left ahead of us all. It’s okay to want something just for a moment, go after it, get it (or not) and then move onto the next thing. I’ve always…flitted. Like a hummingbird. Never captivated with one thing for too long. And that’s left me questioning decisions I’ve made. Wondering if I should have stayed this course or that course or moved here or stayed there…
But you don’t have to have it all right now. This mantra we hear ad nauseam… LIVE IN THE MOMENT…has validity, but to do so you really can’t obsess over the things that lie ahead or the decisions you’ve already made. I’m learning this. I’m teaching this to myself, because I believe in something much grander and much deeper–something that resonates much truer in me. Finding my truth, my passion, my path, and my purpose…and fighting for it with everything I’ve got. Sometimes fighting means taking it slow, watching Bad Girls Club on demand, drinking beers with my roommates, and enjoying everything exactly as it is.
To answer your question: Yes, I am happy. I am proud of myself. I am happy and proud that I have stayed true to my character, that I enjoy the journey, that I’m not rushing into things for the wrong reasons, that at the end of the day the person I go to sleep with (read: myself) is a good girl with no regrets. But I want more, and will probably always want more. And I want to be better, and will always want to be better. And I want to accomplish as much as is humanly possible for a 5’1’’, 100lb biracial girl from Pittsburgh to accomplish–without compromising my values, and without giving myself stress wrinkles 😉
Thank you for asking a question that helped me find some answers for myself.