Cosmic Confessions of a Current Incarnation 

PUBLISHED April 25, 2014

I’ve fallen down another rabbit hole. The same rabbit hole, really. Over, and over, and over. Falling, flailing, grasping, gasping.

My birthday was more than I could have imagined. Shrooming just enough for the giggles. Feeling blonde. Drunk (essential). Outkast, fucking Outkast, opened with “Bombs Over Bagdad.”

He and I shared a moment, several, to which songs I can’t quite remember. “Prototype” maybe. Seems appropriate. He said, “I’ve never realized how much I need you for the rest of my life more than I did in that moment.” Which made me feel sad, really. Because I feel like that in every moment.

Just a ball of atoms bouncing in space, colliding occasionally with other atoms. Itty, bitty, balls of matter that at their core are nothing. Are energy. “We are made of star dust!” Sister kept saying. She was roOoOoOoOolling on along her birthday. Rolling, rolling through her MDMA induced trance of happiness, covering me in kisses saying how our souls were made for each other, and that I was made for her, and “…isn’t that crazy?! We are going to be in each other’s lives for the rest of our lives!”

It is crazy. Thinking about a “rest of my life,” period is crazy. So much has evolved. Thank God(dess) my Karmic Year has concluded. It was all a bit much. Not really feeling safe in any one place. I still feel that way. That if I stand still too long something big and scary that I can’t quite make out will come and get me. The thing that always chases me in my dreams.

Content text