I run into my life.
Open up a folder, find a photo
I don’t remember taking
I don’t remember posing.
But here I am
Padded bra supporting 34 Bs
Once was a 32 C.
Stopped taking birth control.
In a perpetual state of never gaining weight.
I scroll through texts to find my memory
What did I do last night?
Did I have fun?
I know I had fun, I remember having lots of fun.
And I remember sitting on his lap in the back of the van
Now that you mentioned it to me.
“I used to be the guy who froze bananas in the freezer and broke them on the counter and poured chocolate over the pieces,” George Saunders said just now in his short story.
That sounds delicious.
I ate a banana last night.
It was so good, and I never like bananas.
My eye twitch.
Feeling it now.
What else, what else.
I ran into (bleeped out) on the dance floor.
That was cute.
Like “Hey! My friend! Dancing! Having a good time!”
And (bleeped out) bought me a tequila shot and I took it like more of a champ than usual.
(Bleeped out) thought we kissed.
Not (Above Stated Bleeped Out) but someone else.
But I know we didn’t.
But I can’t say I would remember if we did.
I don’t even have his number.
I like it like that.
So I can run into him.
Found little fragments of my night.
Of my life.
Who did I dance with?
What were we talking about around the counter?
Faces, expressions, frozen for me to examine.
Like the TV on mute.
“You were like, zipped up in his coat”
Ha – yeah I remember.
What the hell were we talking about?
“If you love her, you let her go. That’s what you do. How do you know you want to be together forever if you’ve never been with anyone else? It’ss how you make a relationship stronger.”
Gah – I’m so fucking smart.
Did I feed someone a banana with my mouth?
I specifically remember that happening.
Or did I eat a banana from someone’s mouth?
What happened with the damn bananas?
A plate full of ash on the counter.
(Bleeped out) was smoking cigarettes.
I found that surprising.
She looked so innocent and drunk and eyes glazed over.
It didn’t seem right
I don’t want to fuck you, man
I just want your attention.