I’m currently Cali livin’. My commute cuts through palm tree lined streets (Franklin Avenue, Beverly Boulevard, Sunset and Laurel Canyon). My apartment complex is fully equipped (basketball court, tennis court, volley ball court, pools hot tubs, dry cleaners). My internship is the shit (lots of responsibility, coolest boss ever, creative freedom, ultra flexible and chill).
But something is not right.
I overestimated my ability to acclimate. A life spent barely at home gave me a false sense of confidence to move my entire world. California may very well have been Harrisburg, I figured; distance is no big deal. And it’s not. Everything is lining up, adding up, equating to perfect happiness. And yet I haven’t felt at peace these last few days. I first attributed it to anxious thoughts and feeling about starting my internship. That’s definitely still there, but its not it.
I miss my friends and family way more than I expected to.
Luckily he is out here. It feels good being out here on my own, doing my own shit and having my own apartment and then being able to see him whenever. The space breathed new life into things. I don’t feel trapped, like I did before, because now I have my own car and my own stuff to handle. Things are taking a new shape with us and its exciting to watch history fit into a new mold.
I went shopping today. It was horrible. Absolutely everything looked amazing on me. That’s the worst when that happens.