I sometimes think its a blessing when I don’t have much to say. Usually, thoughts are fighting their way to the forefront of my mind and I can’t keep a single one going long enough to let it get anywhere. I try to fall asleep and the voice telling me, “go to sleep Nomi, go to sleep,” always gets drowned out by the others telling me things like, “you should go to the gym more,” “you should eat healthier,” “did you do all your homework,” “when are you going to get a job,” “what are you going to do with your life,” “what makes you special,” “who actually cares about you,” “why are you thinking such damn depressing thoughts!?”
I woke up at 4:45 this morning from a nightmare. I was taking a run in a completely white, snow covered forest with my one roommate. Everything was beautiful, completely tranquil. At one point, I stop and out of the corner of my eye see a fox. In the dream I knew that exposing ourselves to the fox meant it would attack and kill us. Around a bend I see a yellow school bus. I tell my roommate our only chance to survive the fox is to make it onto the school bus, but starting to run would draw instant attention to ourselves. We take the risk and make it onto the school bus with the fox hot on our tails. I then have to protect myself, my roommate and the random old man bus driver from the fox by growing at it aggressively over and over.
Listen, it may not sound like much but in the dream my heart was racing. The thing was huge! With snarling teeth. It looked like one of the werwolves from Twilight. And I was the only thing keeping it away from us as it tried repeatedly to charge the bus.
I frequently dream of aggressive things, things trying their best to get me.
But they never do…