Catcalling & Rapey Behavior

PUBLISHED February 20, 2013

Please Do Not Catcall Me, And Also I Do Not Want To Feel Your Penis On My Ass

For over a decade, women walking through Tahir Square in Cairo, Egypt have had to occupy their space in fear. Mobs of young men have made habit of violently attacking women, tearing their clothes, groping their bodies and sexually assaulting them. This is a trend that has been relatively ignored by public officials, many of whom share the sentiments of the men committing the acts in the first place: She was dressed provocatively, she was asking for it.

Huh, is that so?

Now, why does this sentence sound so familiar? Where have I heard that before? Oh…right! Those good ‘ol, well mannered and decently educated college boys I have the pleasure of attending university with! I missed the episode of Sesame Street where (come on, kids!) ‘C’ stood for Carrot, Climbing and Catcall. I can imagine Big Bird sitting in his nest, going through the examples as Rosie walks by…

“Now kids, Catcall means you find a girl pretty/attractive/simply existing in the same space as you/deserving of an asinine comment about her body and you shout that comment at her in an aggressive manner to remind her that her body is an object to be judged by us men.” 

Yeah, didn’t catch that episode. But somehow, men ranging from well into their sixties all the way to the elementary school aged kids that tear through campus on occasion picked up this archaic manner of speaking AT women.

Just to serve as a point of clarification; catcalling is not complimenting. It is not an interaction, it is a declaration that says nothing more than, “I am a guy and therefore fit to verbalize my opinion on your physicality with no repercussions.” A girl wearing a short skirt and a tube top may very well be trying to attract the attention of guy. But here’s a crazy idea: NOT YOURS!

Similar to the catcall though actually prompting me to punch someone in the face is the slide-my-crotch-on-your-ass-when-you’re-dancing move that is a total HIT in clubs/bars/fraternity basements/anywhere there are females even slightly moving to music and also horny guys.

This past weekend I was at a local Philly club(ish thing) The Barbary. The typical Barbarby bar goer falls somewhere on the hipster spectrum (imagine lots of piercings, small floral patterns, androgynous hair styles and body types). The raging feminist in attendance have tamed (or struck fear in the hearts of) most of the male patrons by this point, so the crowd is generally respectful. But, I suppose hormones and $2 beer specials got the best of everyone on Saturday because my girl friends and I found ourselves in the middle of a feeding frenzy.

Every which way I turned I felt the sly approach of a crotch area making its way closer and closer and then finally pressed firmly against my ass. In the modern world, this is how most guys let you know they are interested in dancing with you. It’s very straightforward, they simply press their genitalia on your body and you are to respond positively by accepting their advances and then continuing the grinding session. Moving away doesn’t seem to get the hint across enough, because, low and behold, the same guys came back time and time again, crotches thrusting.

Now, I have to cut guys some slack here. I know you get turned down countless times asking a girl out right if she would like to dance and I know this crotch-first methodology has worked many a times. I cannot deny that I have started dancing with someone who has simply come up behind me. Dancing is fun, even if it is reminiscent of primal mating more than actual dancing. But we must find some common ground here, guys. There has to be another way.

In short: If I feel your boner on my ass, I will proceed to simply put a hole in your face.

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