PUBLISHED September 10, 2013

Advice Post: Men Defining Women

Sorry to spam your ‘ask box’. But life is too complex don’t you think? Why do women feel like men define their character? I keep obsessing about what happened two years ago why can’t I just move on and be myself. You seem like a really strong person so I guess that’s why I’ve poured my heart out. Keep doing what you’re doing, you inspire people!

First of all, thank you for the words of encouragement. Secondly, I’m gonna go ahead and avoid that first question, wait till I’m on acid, have someone record me answering it, and then transcribe it and get back to you.

But the second question:

“Why do women feel like men define their character?”

Well…why do women feel like men define their character? Why do you feel like a man does, or has at one point in time held the power to define your character?

Pointedly–they don’t. But boys (as many should be more aptly referred to) can affect how you define yourself. Take, hm, me for example. I’ve been soaking up my karmic year, as my tarot card reader told me I would, and have been feeling ver, ver me. And then I get the bright idea to hang out with ex-boyfriend in a hotel in New York and find myself chain smoking, wondering why on earth I can’t seem to get a grip.

But something I’ve come to understand is there isn’t one true you that’s true-er than any other you. You know? Maybe not. I don’t think there’s one, untainted, pure version of ourselves. We are a sum of our parts. So we are very much the insecure, self-conscious, confused girls that we are around the guys we like as we are the wonderful, amazing, independent women we are when we are in our own apartments with our roommates, cooking dinner at 2:00 AM in our underwear.

Whoever you are is “yourself.” At all times. It’s impossible to be anyone but.

Hope that helps. Lie to me if it didn’t.

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