PUBLISHED September 18, 2012

Advice Post: First Love

You are so wise when it comes to life and relationships.. How does one go about getting over a first love? I started dating my ex at 15 ( I am now 20) and things fell apart this year… We always promised it’d be him and I no matter what. My gut tells me that one day we will come back to each other, and he doesn’t disagree.. But in the meantime, how can I just live my life without constantly being reminded of how much I miss him? Thank you Nomi. I really look up to you.

Oh God, you are in perhaps one of the shitiest situations of all times. Getting over a first love is laborious, and I know plenty of girls who haven’t been able to complete the task for years.

Let me first say that there is no way to not think about your ex. There is no way to not miss that person, or feel hurt and lost almost daily.

My first boyfriend dumped me senior year of high school and I thought my whole world was over. He was the first and only boy I had ever been in love with at the time. I suppose you could call us high school sweet hearts. I over dramatically cut my wrists with a pair of scissors I was so upset. I have a tendency for dramatics, it was totally not necessary. Anyway…after futile attempts at patching things up (the break-up was my fault, I was not the most faithful of teenage girls) I started distracting myself. With men. I decided…if he’s a lost cause, I’ll make some other guy fall in love with me. I found a series of guys to take my mind off of him, and it worked. None of these guys were anyone I would consider dating. One now has a child, so I mean…there’s that. I wasn’t looking for a replacement boyfriend, I was looking for someone to text me everyday, to pick me and my friends up late at night and drive us home, to share a case of beer with and make out with a bit. Eventually, I wasn’t stressing about the ex so much. Of course I was still extremely  upset about the break-up, but having distractions really lessened the blow.

It was in this mix that I actually started hanging out with my current boyfriend. Although, of course, things were different with him and he moved from being a summer fling to the love of my life. So, there is hope my dear.

A couple of my friends are currently in the process of getting over their first loves. I strongly believe, however, that you will never get over your first love until you have had another. The hardest part is opening your  mind to the fact that this guy may not actually be the person you are “meant” to be with. I think a lot of times girls try to make things work with their first loves because they assume love is a unique feeling. It’s not. You can fall in love multiple times during your life and I’m betting that you will again.

I’m guessing no one has ever made you feel as amazing as this guy, and you want to do whatever you can to make it work. Kick that thinking in the ass. Guys are like clothes, try on a few until you see what really suits you. You may find that your taste has changed from the age of 15 😉

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